Project Flaw: Conceit of arrogance

Arrogance is believing you're good. No. Better. 

It's a type of confidence that can be inherent - a trait carried down the family line or acquired from an age of people fluffing up your feathers. 

It is the belief that you're special, and let's face it: Everyone is special. 

There are few stories out there that don't have "special" protagonists: Enviable skills. Royalty. The one that inherits. The war hero. The face of a rebellion. The one whose destiny has been fated.   The intelligent one. The unique one. The youngest. The oldest. The kindest. The forgotten one. The outcast. The chosen.

We're all a bunch of special snowflakes really. The difference?

Being arrogant, you know that you're special.

You don't need anyone's help.
You're certain you've made it to where you are completely on your own.
You know you're amazing.
You think everyone's running on your time.
You think your word is law.
You're painfully smug when proven right.
Everyone lives for stories about you.
You feel that it is everyone's duty to be outraged when you are (especially in regards to the bad reviews you get).
You don't believe you have anything to learn - and if you do, you don't think anyone should teach it to you because you know better.
You're almost never wrong.
Anyone who says otherwise is the one that's wrong.

The thing with arrogant people is that they're probably the most insecure people you'll ever meet.

They fixate on people's issues with them, usually spinning it into a personal attack on themselves even if it's a purely work/story related. They'll be offended, defensive and downright annoying when they "decide" they don't want to fight anymore (mainly because they can see that no one is supporting their argument). In the end, they want validation just like everyone else, and the only reason they act the way they do is because they've pushed their "fake it until you make it" mindset too far and might actually believe that they're above everyone else - experience and knowledge be damned.

Sometimes, however, they don't realize they're being arrogant, they just come off that way.

I know when I was younger all I wanted was for people to notice and acknowledge me (see the previous post), and following the "fake it until you make it" mindset, I came off more confident than I felt. The fact that I might have been arrogant as a child didn't occur to me, I just felt like a counterfeit and it pushed me more and more to pretend that I could do everything on my own to compensate.

Hermione Granger from Harry Potter is an example as well. Though she's clearly the brightest witch of her generation, at the beginning of the series as well as during, she came off as a serious smart ass. She was difficult to like for some people, and was a downright pain to everyone else in her year.

Unintentional of course.

She was very conscious of her position as a muggleborn wizard which I think was her reason for wanting to do so well (and show it by constantly raising her hand in class) - she wanted to prove that she deserved to be where she was, and that she wasn't just lucky to have magic to spirit her away from her muggle life.

Whatever her reasoning, she still came off as arrogant which of course meant people didn't warm up to her quickly.

Arrogance is a flaw that an individual has difficulty to recognize in themselves, and even in their characters.

It adds a layer of complexity that we as writers, don't have to think too much of (that's how Super Strong Mary Sues are made you know) and provides a reasonable flaw for a character. Plus, it's an added growth point for the character to try and rectify in the story so technically it's a pretty great flaw.

What's interesting is that arrogance isn't borne from being a horrible person who doesn't bathe, it's from trying too hard to make it seem like you're okay; it is the outcome of being in denial.

Project Flaw: Validation required

Validation is a human flaw.

It's a desire, present from our most conscious age of memory: everything from our first steps, performing at school plays, playing some sport and proudly waving about an awarded ribbon.

Having a skill is great. Being noticed for it is even better.

As a writer, I've always been told to write for me and not to care what people think. With the amount of naysayers out there, the "critics" that flood the web, the trolls and even worse, the real people in our lives who are just trying to be realistic -

But you know what? Write for yourself.
Easy as the advice is to give, the same can't be said for taking it.

We're told to develop that tough skin and grow a pair. Others have had worse, what's a little bad comment from some stranger on the internet? From that friend/family member you knew wouldn't really get your story? Psh ~ so what do you care what they think?
 
Don't kid yourself. 

Wanting and even needing to be noticed, praised and accepted is one of the biggest hindrances in anyone's life. Besides procrastination, this need has been crippling me even before I started my career in writing.

I wanted my story to be perfect.
I wanted to be flooded with glowing reviews (follows and favorites too!).
People making fan art and spinoffs based off my work.
Create such a well-established headcanon that fans of the original work (fanfic wise) couldn't tell what was canon and what was mine.
Having something of mine placed into those tv-trope wikis like I've seen with other stories that were the pinnacle of popularity - the coveted story people would refer to when talking about the fandom.

However, that is not to say that wanting validation is bad.

1) It made me listen to the critique I got - yeah sometimes it wasn't given very nicely and a few insults towards my intelligence were thrown in, but everything with a grain of salt right?

2) I started to develop that "tough skin" to the point where I can see a criticism as anything but a personal attack (even if the critic takes cheap shots) and yet still see that there's some use in the critique I've been given.

3) It made me look and crave for growth. The world turns nonstop, to stay static and in a rut can and should feel like a trap. Wanting validation forced me to look for ways to grow even when I sometimes couldn't bare to change my ways.

 and finally

4) During my attempts to have my abilities validated, I experienced failure. If I didn't care what people thought because it was better that way from the beginning, I wouldn't have realized the lessons I've learnt.


Nationally ranked sportswoman. High school cum laude. School's best pianist/violinist/vocalist. Youngest best selling author. 

I wanted those things when I was younger because it seemed like the only way to be noticed in any way by anyone. I wanted those things for other people. I wanted people to tell me how much I was worth in time, attention and love and it isn't worth it.

It's tiring to live off of someone else's validation.
 
No one lives for others. We're a selfish species at heart. So you know what? Be selfish.

Your story.
Your words.
Your life.

Own it so you won't need someone else to.