Validation is a human flaw.
It's a desire, present from our most conscious age of memory: everything from our first steps, performing at school plays, playing some sport and proudly waving about an awarded ribbon.
Having a skill is great. Being noticed for it is even better.
As a writer, I've always been told to write for me and not to care what people think. With the amount of naysayers out there, the "critics" that flood the web, the trolls and even worse, the real people in our lives who are just trying to be realistic -
But you know what? Write for yourself.
Easy as the advice is to give, the same can't be said for taking it.
We're told to develop that tough skin and grow a pair. Others have had worse, what's a little bad comment from some stranger on the internet? From that friend/family member you knew wouldn't really get your story? Psh ~ so what do you care what they think?
Don't kid yourself.
Wanting and even needing to be noticed, praised and accepted is one of the biggest hindrances in anyone's life. Besides procrastination, this need has been crippling me even before I started my career in writing.
I wanted my story to be perfect.
I wanted to be flooded with glowing reviews (follows and favorites too!).
People making fan art and spinoffs based off my work.
Create such a well-established headcanon that fans of the original work (fanfic wise) couldn't tell what was canon and what was mine.
Having something of mine placed into those tv-trope wikis like I've seen with other stories that were the pinnacle of popularity - the coveted story people would refer to when talking about the fandom.
However, that is not to say that wanting validation is bad.
1) It made me listen to the critique I got - yeah sometimes it wasn't given very nicely and a few insults towards my intelligence were thrown in, but everything with a grain of salt right?
2) I started to develop that "tough skin" to the point where I can see a criticism as anything but a personal attack (even if the critic takes cheap shots) and yet still see that there's some use in the critique I've been given.
3) It made me look and crave for growth. The world turns nonstop, to stay static and in a rut can and should feel like a trap. Wanting validation forced me to look for ways to grow even when I sometimes couldn't bare to change my ways.
and finally
4) During my attempts to have my abilities validated, I experienced failure. If I didn't care what people thought because it was better that way from the beginning, I wouldn't have realized the lessons I've learnt.
Nationally ranked sportswoman. High school cum laude. School's best pianist/violinist/vocalist. Youngest best selling author.
I wanted those things when I was younger because it seemed like the only way to be noticed in any way by anyone. I wanted those things for other people. I wanted people to tell me how much I was worth in time, attention and love and it isn't worth it.
It's tiring to live off of someone else's validation.
No one lives for others. We're a selfish species at heart. So you know what? Be selfish.
Your story.
Your words.
Your life.
Own it so you won't need someone else to.
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